Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Is this really me?

 I don't know what's happened to me. I feel like I'm losing control of myself and I don't know what to do to get back to... well, me. I don't remember yelling like I do or cussing like I do or even being in a bad mood all the freakin time before I got pregnant with my son. Pregnancy made me crazy, but I thought it would all end after I got back to normal from having him. It hasn't.

I thought maybe it was because I have the Mirena. One of the side effects is mood swings. BUT I'm not having mood swings, I'm just a bitch all the time. I can't control it. I know I sound absolutely ridiculous sometimes, and I just can't stop. I'm losing me, and if I don't do something soon everything about the person I was will be gone.

Today was the day that I realized that something has to be done. I have to see a doctor. I lost it this morning because I couldn't find any hats or gloves. It's not like we don't have 542 pairs of gloves, we do. My daughter loses them constantly. I should understand that, it's what kids do. After all, they are kids.
I didn't understand this morning. I yelled and cussed. I was HORRIBLE. Over some freaking gloves. My daughter went to school sad because of me. I feel absolutely horrible about it. To the point of tears. I hate seeing her sad, and to know that I'm the one that did it... it makes me feel like a piece of scum.

I can't stop crying today. I miss the person I was, and I don't want her to just be a memory. I want her back.

I'd love some words of wisdom, or advice, anything ya got really.

1 comment:

Short On Cents said...

OMG it was like reading my life on your blog - let me know if you ever need to talk I have the same EXACT problem and it's horrible - I have been to many of doctors and many a medicines and NOTHING - let me know if you come up with an answer or seriously need to talk -