Not so nice post

Just a warning, I sound like a beeyotch in this post. Seems like I generally only blog about the good parts of my life. The things that I'm not ashamed to put out there for everyone to read. This post probably wont be that way, so if your easily offended, ya might wanna step away!!

I'm pissed off. I've been pissed off since Monday, and I don't think it's going away any time soon. We are behind on our bills, yes even the cable/Internet bill. After rent is due every month we have about 2 hundred dollars left over. How do you decide which bill to pay, when you only have so much money to go around? Well, we pay a little to this and a little to that. Always living paycheck to paycheck, and I'm freakin tired of it. I'm tired of stressing. SICK of it, like you wouldn't believe.

Monday morning gets here this week, and it had already started bad, and here comes the light company knocking on my door. Yes, I know I'm behind. But I still pay something every month. Were sinking here, but there is still a payment OF SOME KIND, every month. The guy is as rude as could be, I know it's his job, but he didn't have to be rude. The conversation:

Him:"We need 364.00 today, or your service will be disconnected."
ME:"I don't have that much, can you see if you guys can take $200?"
HIM: "No, they send me out here with this little piece of paper (holding it up, like I'm blind), and if you don't pay that much, I shut it off, it's a simple as that. Do you have it or not?"
ME: (getting angry) "I have to call my husband."

Then he hands me the paper, and turns to go shut it off!! I'm like wait a freakin minute. So he waits, and I call Jason. In a hurry he says "call my dad, and see if we can borrow $150, and I can pay him on Thursday". The whole time I'm trying to get it figured out, the guy is saying "I have other places I need to be lady". Well, no shit?? Do ya really think I want to be standing here, dealing with this? No. I don't really.

I call my father in law, (almost in tears because I don't want to ask) and he says yes. He had to call in and use a debit card. Well he paid the whole thing off!! Not just the $364.00 that was needed that day, but the current bill as well. Almost $600 dollars!! I'm so so so grateful that he paid it, but I couldn't help but think, "how the hell will we pay that back???" When he tells me that WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY IT BACK, the waterworks really kick in. I honestly don't know what we would do without him.

So, after the little roller coaster of emotions on Monday, Tuesday morning comes and BAM!! Our water gets shut off!!! This I knew was gonna happen eventually. Water is the bill every month that gets put off since we don't have to pay a lot. Not to mention I have had problems getting our bill since we moved in. I have not received a bill in 6 months, and that's after calling to let them know twice.

Another $350 dollar shot! Really? I mean why not 6 hundred? So, after stressing AGAIN, and refusing to call my father in law, I am drained. I'm done. I get it worked out, and find another hundred dollars and get it paid that day. I had to borrow money, again. Well it's now two days later, and I stink. Why? Because my water is STILL NOT ON!!!

It was supposed to be Tuesday night, and then Wednesday. And now it's supposed to be today. After my very rude call to customer service yesterday, I wouldn't be surprised it they don't turn in on til Monday. I couldn't stop myself. I was rude. And I hate that, because I've been in customer service. I know there job is not all that great, and the lady that I was talking to, it was not her fault. It was MY fault for letting it get that far behind. But I was rude. My bad. (I really hate that saying)

I HATE that I had a utility turned off. We have always found a way to make things work until now. 7 years on my own, and this is the first time any of our utilities have been disconnected. I hate it so much because when I was a kid, something was always getting shut off. My mom was a single mother and did her best, but something always get disconnected. I never want my kids to feel the way I did, and it happened. I'm beating myself up over this, and I feel like a horrible mother. I hate this feeling.


So, Wednesday gets here. And before my husband leaves for work I, like a moron, say, "So, whats gonna go wrong today"?

Stupid question.

He almost gets fired. Lovely. He talks his way out of it. Thanks God.

But at the same time, he can no longer get metal. It was his "side job" They have let him take the metal that they are throwing away, and he takes it to the scrap yard when he is off. That brings in about $100 bucks a week. GONE. It's gone. Now, they are going to keep it, and use the money to buy everyone lunch on Saturdays. Yippee!! They get lunch, and we are screwed!!!!!

I know I sound like an asshole. I know I do. But I'm pissed. At the whole situation. And there is nothing anyone can do about, except us. I want to work. I have a feeling that when I do, I will be working to pay a baby sitter. That sucks. Everything has hit us at once. I knew it was coming, but WOW! Couldn't the powers that be have spaced it out a little???

The whole time I've been writing this there has been some kind of insect stuck somewhere in my computer desk. It keeps chirping. It's making me crazy, and I can't find it!

Well, if you have made it this far, thanks for reading my not so nice post. Hopefully this will be the last one for a while.