Monday, April 6, 2009

Selfish...Rambling...BLAH!

How often do you think about the What Ifs in life? I'm sure I'm not alone here, I know others must do it too! However, I think I've taken it to an almost un-heathly level!
For the past two weeks, I've been thinking about all the different directions my life could have taken. It's been almost non stop, and I cant quit. I'm thinking there has to be a reason for it, I'm just not sure what it is.
Right now I'm a stay at home mom, it is what I have wanted since I had my daughter. I was positive that I would absolutely love it, but I don't. I feel bad about wanting to work, I feel like I should LOVE being at home with my kids, and I do, but I miss the social life I had at work. I'm in a funk. I think that's whats bringing all the questions.
I love my life, my kids, my husband, my family. But I want more, how selfish is that?!?! And, I don't even know what "more" is. I have no idea!
Two years ago I made a life changing choice, and I was absolutely certain that was what I wanted. If I had taken that road, I would not have my son, him and my daughter are my world. I don't believe I made the wrong choice, but I feel rotten for questioning myself. AHHH, Whats a girl to do?
Anyone know how to get out of a crazy, self induced, totally un-needed, funk?

3 comments:

Melissa said...

Well, if you're not sure you're ready to dive back into the work force, just hang on a bit. Summer's coming, and you're going to want to spend time outdoors with the kids, at the park, the bach you name it. I'm not sure where you are, but if you had a cold and snowy winter, that probably has alot to do with it. This winter was really long and you probably need to just get outside and breathe some fresh air.

Or, I could be TOTALLY wrong, who knows lol. Good luck!

Linda @ My Trendy Tykes said...

I have been in one of those "funks" myself. I wish I could shake it.

Maybe we should pack up and go on vacation?????

hee hee

Linda

Kristy said...

I totally understand your feeling...don't feel guilty. I personally believe it's harder to stay home, especially after you've worked for a while in a career. I came home last year after almost 5 years as a working mom, thinking that it would be easier. Of course I started a daycare in my home at the same time, but that aside...it is hard to go without that social reinforcement you get from working in an office or something. Good luck. I don't know how to get out of it...but your kids will always remember the time you spent at home.